His Fault
by AngelicTrinity
Summary: Gray reflects on his guilt in the aftermath of an attack on Clover Tower while his boss lays in a coma right in front of him. As well as his choice to date Alice that led to all of it in the first place. Warning: Female!Nightmare... sorta.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Heart no Kuni no Alice franchise at all. I do, however, own this story and its plot. Oh, and Aislinn. Don't forget Aislinn. **

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**His Fault**

His fault.

It was entirely all his fault.

Dull golden orbs stared at Aislinn's still form lying on the hospital bed, her long beautiful hair flaring out behind her like a silver curtain. She was surrounded by machines and instruments of various kinds that monitored her health. The doctors said that she was stable and her life was no longer in immediate danger, but that was a small consolation in the face of everything that had happened.

He had failed her.

And now she was paying the price for it.

Gray Ringmarc had never hated himself so much in his life until now. Nor had he felt so utterly helpless. The woman who had given him everything from a new role as her assistant and bodyguard to a second chance at life was now hovering between life and death. Because how did he repay her for the kindness she had no obligation to give him? By not being by her side when she needed him the most and leaving her at the mercy of a past that was hell bent on dragging him back into it.

And now she was comatose in the hospital. His vow to protect her from everyone and everything intent on trying to kill her lay completely and utterly shattered by his feet.

He knew that had Aislinn been conscious, she would have told him that it wasn't his fault. That was the kind of person she was. She never blamed anyone or allowed another person to take the fall for her whenever she could, even though she often joked around with the statement 'This is your fault'.

Gray would never forgive himself for this, even if his Lady awakened.

He had been her bodyguard. Her protector.

Her defender.

But Gray had been nowhere near Clover Tower during the attack and his boss was forced to fend for herself with whatever resources she had on hand. Clover Tower had won, but at great cost; the Leader of Clover Country fighting for her life against near impossible odds of surviving and heavy casualty losses amongst the Tower workers.

Instead, when Clover Tower had been fending off the attack, he had been out on a date with Alice at the Amusement Park.

Thinking about Alice brought on another surge of pain. It did not compare to the pain of finding out that Aislinn was in critical condition because of an unprecedented attack at the very core of Clover Country, but was painful all the same.

He should have never dated Alice. Not because he did not like her (in fact, he found her fascinating since her views on life so strongly resembled that of Aislinn's) but because he truly did not like her in the same way she liked him. His feelings for Alice were not romantic, but friendship or perhaps sibling like. Maybe if he had kept on refusing her, continuing to pretend that he did not notice her feelings at all... that this never would have happened.

This was Gray's fault in more ways than one.

Because he did not love Alice.

He never did.

Even though he had been completely holed up in Aislinn's hospital room, refusing to leave her side for any reason than an emergency that needed his immediate attention, he had heard the gossip circulating the country about his ex-girlfriend. The few surviving workers had been kind enough to let him know what was going on and what people were saying.

Once everything came to light about what happened, the citizens pointed their fingers at the Outsider and blamed her for the attack and the comatose state of their Leader. It got to the point that it was dangerous for Alice to walk around the country without the protection of another Roleholder. A lot of the citizens believed that if it hadn't been for her, the attack on the Tower would have never happened.

_Seducer._

_Tart._

_Rantipole._

And any other nasty term they could think of.

Gray defended Alice in that aspect. They may have no longer been together due to the circumstances, but to call the Outsider all of those things was unjust and uncalled for. She pursued him and he had eventually agreed to go out with her for selfish reasons of his own- reasons that he now realized were completely unfair to her. But to place most of the blame on the Outsider and slander her name was utterly ridiculous.

How was it Alice's fault that he had used her? That he had dated her out of the selfishness to with the despair his own unrequited feelings?

That he dated her because he felt that his all-powerful Leader would never return his love for her? Aislinn who had stood at the very top of Clover Country and had made him her second-in-command despite their history as assassin and target?

Eventually he just decided to date Alice because it seemed so much easier.

And now Alice's name was being dragged in the mud because he did not have the decency to out right reject her like he should have done in the first place.

Even with Aislinn's dislike of the Outsider, she would have never resorted to using any of the terms that had pretty much become synonymous with Alice's name and reputation.

Though that was because she believed in having justification in disliking people.

But he also understood why they were angry at her. Partly because those who adored Aislinn needed someone to blame for her condition and partly because those who disliked Alice for her association with the Roleholders jumped on the opportunity.

_'Lady Aislinn, sometimes I curse your use of reasoning, logic and rationality,' _Gray inwardly sighed. It was so much easier to just get mad without thinking of the 'why' or the 'how', but the time he spent with his boss had made that near impossible now.

But she wouldn't be Aislinn without second guessing everything or refusing to go for the easy way out.

Though the population feared Aislinn due to her powers and ability to as she put it, 'see into their soul', she was also well-liked for actually _caring _about the lives of her subordinates and the citizens of the country and letting them know that they mattered to her, even if other people didn't give a damn. Where everyone in Wonderland did not care very much for their lives due to being replaceable, Aislinn managed to make them feel different with her own views that she stubbornly refused to change.

The concept of being 'replaceable' disgusted her. And she often threatened her subordinates to look after themselves. Because there was no way she was going to keep teaching new workers about the inner workings of Clover Tower just because her former subordinates couldn't be bothered to look after their lives due to the fucking 'replacement' bullshit she keeps getting from everyone as an excuse to not care for their lives better.

Her words, not his.

When it got out that Alice had (unknowingly) played a direct role in Aislinn's comatose condition... well...

Gray was relieved when the other territories moved back to Hearts, taking the Outsider with them.

While the rationale side of Gray did not blame Alice for the attack on Clover Tower, there was a small part of him that resented her no matter how much he tried to suppress it. She had been as much of a victim as Aislinn in the plot on Aislinn's life, yet if it weren't for her...

He wasn't surprise that their relationship had fallen apart after that and another part of him was relieved, as cruel as it sounded. After what happened with Aislinn, there was very little chance that things between them would have worked out. At the very least, their suddenly strained relationship would have never survived and any attempt to try would have just resulted in more heartbreak.

Gray was devastated in the aftermath and blamed himself for not being there for the Leader he was supposed to protect with his life. And Alice... Alice couldn't deal with the fact that the former assassin refused to leave his boss' bedside to also be with her, even though she was distressed about what happened to the Leader of Clover Country. She did not understand just how broken up he was over his failure and why it meant everything for him to remain by her side and look after her slumbering form from then on.

She also could not deal with having to face the fact that she had been at the core of the entire plot as well. It really wasn't her fault, but hearing her say it out loud...

Gray had to bite his tongue several times to prevent himself from snapping at his ex-girlfriend.

Aislinn had once told Gray in private that the Outsider was an insecure girl who had an unhealthy view of love and a sister complex that was far from ordinary; to the point that it was an obsession. Though Alice often called herself 'normal' and 'plain', the adjectives the Outsider used in describing herself made Aislinn snort and roll her eyes. Obviously the Nightmare Roleholder strongly disagreed with Alice's descriptions of herself.

The same could be said when it came to perfection.

Sure Alice had looked normal on the Outside and that there wasn't anything particularly outstanding about her, but the inside was not as ordinary looking as the outside. She cared way too much about what people thought about her and lived not by her own standards, but the idealized standards of what she saw her older sister as.

Aislinn had not said it out loud, but Gray realized that his ex-girlfriend was also very prone to jealousy, though it didn't come to him until after he broke up with her. The entire time the two of them were dating, Alice had been jealous of his boss. Of _Aislinn. _

All those times they had spent away from the Tower, all those times Alice was upset when he had to help out Aislinn when the paperwork threatened to overwhelm her, those looks Alice had shot Aislinn whenever she thought that Gray wasn't looking...

Alice had been attempting to put distance between him and his boss.

He should have seen it.

But he didn't.

And now Aislinn lay in deep sleep, oblivious to the world around her because someone else had seen those negative traits of insecurity and jealousy in Alice and exploited them in an elaborate plan to lure him away from the Tower and away from the Leader of Clover.

It was brilliant and cruel and if it wasn't for _Aislinn _having to fight for her life and ending up comatose he would have marveled at the ingenious of it all. Even Blood Dupre had grimly admitted at the brilliance of the plot and would have too been impressed had it not involved the near assassination of one woman and the emotional manipulation of another. A Mafia Lord he was, but one who despised those who treated women poorly... and assassination and manipulation tended to fall under that category.

As an Outsider, Alice automatically drew attention from everybody. Both Faceless and Roleholder.

While the rules stated that an Outsider was loved by everyone, it was a little more complicated than that. An Outsider was unique in that they could not be replaced if they died. Not to mention that they had a heart, and not a clock. But how much the Outsider was loved and whether they were loved at all was up to them. If they had a less than pleasant personality, it went without saying that the Outsider would have been dead before long when someone finally got fed up with them and decided to do just kill them.

While both Aislinn and Dupre had predicted Alice being used as bait to draw the attention of the Roleholders, neither of them had even considered that she could be used as a lure to _draw away _a Roleholder from a particular location or another person. And yet it had been such an effective plan that it completely blindsided the Nightmare and the Mad Hatter, the Roleholders most known for relying on their brains rather than brute strength like him and the Knight of Hearts.

Everyone who had participated in the attack on the Tower was dead. Gray, the Knight of Hearts and the Mad Hatters had made sure of it.

And yet Aislinn still slumbered.

Gray brought up a hand and tucked the silver strands of his boss' hair behind her ear. Though there were no strands to pull back, it was something that had become a habit whenever Aislinn could not be bothered to fix her own hair after running around like a crazed maniac whenever they were hit with a lot of paperwork.

"I'm sorry." He whispered to her even though the former assassin knew perfectly well she could not hear him. "I... I am so, so sorry."

But there was no reply.

Gray bowed his head, unable to keep the tears he had been holding back the entire time from falling any longer.

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**Done! This took me a while, but I'm finally glad that I finished this!**

**As you can tell, there are a couple of differences between canon and this fic. For one thing, the Nightmare in this story is a female. No, she is not a flip-version of Nightmare Gottschalk, but a different individual who took the role... I am currently designing a story around it, hence why there are no spoilers. All you need to know is that the Nightmare of this story is female and that Gray's feelings towards her are a little different from canon.  
**

**As for Aislinn not liking Alice like everyone else? She's NOT Nightmare. She is privy to Alice's inner thoughts and darkness and what she sees is something she doesn't necessarily like... because she isn't swooning over her like everyone else, she can see a number of things the other Roleholders are blind to. On that note, some of the Faceless also see the same thing. And I know, I know... Aislinn is a Roleholder and it is in THE RULES to fall for the Outsider. There is a reason for that... but once again, spoilers.  
**

**Regarding Alice... quite frankly, I do not like her. At all. But at the very least, I still tried to be fair to her in this story. To break it down: **

**\- Gray and Alice broke up because of the guilt. Seriously. Gray feels guilt of being unable to protect Aislinn who he is devoted to and though she and Aislinn weren't close, she would still feel guilty about her role. They would be unable to stay together because of the guilt. Period.  
**

**\- Gray says he agreed to go out with her. Nothing else. **

**\- The slandering and name calling was due to people blaming Alice for what happened to Aislinn... but also because of jealousy from some of the female Faceless. Imagine knowing about the attractive Roleholders for as long as you have existed, but not being really looked at by them. And then all of a sudden, this girl out of nowhere suddenly has their undivided attention and has them stumbling over their for her. You CANNOT tell me that there wouldn't be sour feelings regarding that. **

**\- Also, one thing I realized is that people often blame the female... for something or another. But it is always the female's fault. Is it fair? No. But it happens. The 'other woman' is often blamed in the situation. **

**\- And yes, Alice is jealous. But I think it's justified for multiple reasons: Aislinn is as beautiful as every other Roleholder in existence. Enough said. And Alice has a thing for appearances. Not to mention that Aislinn and Gray have a history together; not necessarily romantic, but a history none the less and it's obvious that the two of them are really close. I have read accounts of girlfriends being jealous of other girls in the boy friend's life- particularly if their best friends. They share a strong bond and in that kind of situation, to please his girlfriend, the boyfriend kind of has to... withdraw some of his friendship.  
**

**It happens. Don't say it does. **

**Anyways, I think that's it. Thank you for reading this and tell me what you think! Whether you liked it, or you hated it, bring it on!**


End file.
